Characters Final Frame

  • We hope to develop an uglier plastic shoe.  Eat it Crocs.
  • Nike isn’t what it used to be.  Is everyone turning their back on child labor?
  • Next Year we plan to release a shoe with a 4000% mark up.  I’m kidding, we sell Voits.
  • Hello, my name is Barry, and I’m an out of work cobbler.
  • Introducing Velcro high heels!

Have any other ideas? Put em’ in the comments section!

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Bollinger Invites Ahmadinejad

September 25th, 2007

How do you feel about Lee Bollinger inviting Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak at Columbia University?

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm sure it was lovely."
"Why was an NFL quarterback talking to a Major League prospect in the first place?"
"Should we still hide under our desks during nuclear fallout?  If we don't have a desk, will a station wagon work?"
"It's like inviting your ex-wives to your fifth wedding.  Not cool."

"Well, he was obviously dying his hair, which is ridiculous.  His hair should be sanctioned by the U.N." 

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Headlines: September 24, 2007

September 24th, 2007

Third Grade Production of Othello Sucks
HARTFORD – A production of Othello performed by the third graders of Grover Cleveland Grade School sucked according to several unimpressed parents. Bernard Jeffries, complained that his son, "Jacked up the lines."

Oprah Plans To Give Away African Countries
CHICAGO – In this year's episode of Oprah Winfrey's My Favorite Things Show, Oprah plans to give away an African country to each member of the audience. The countries were purchased for very little and will be coupled with some hand lotion in a gift bag from Saks Fifth Avenue.

Next James Bond To Be Asian?
TOKYO – Japan is pulling strongly for the next James Bond to be Asian. They argue that if the British Agent can be blonde, surely he can be Asian. The Japanese site the success of You Only Live Twice in which Sean Connery pretends to be Asian.

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If you ever plan on mailing yourself somewhere, bring a mason jar.

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  • Do you have a license I can borrow?
  • Your suitcase should fit next to the dead body in the trunk.  If anyone asks, it’s yours.
  • Sorry about the smell.
  • I have no idea how to say my name either.
  • Last guy wet his pants.  You might want to just hover.

Have any other ideas?  We’d love to hear them.  Just put them in the comments section!

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An aging Mr. Pringles holds a press conference to discuss the break up of sour cream and onion.

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Overheard at McDonalds

September 19th, 2007

  • Focus groups have determined that Lovin’ is too strong.  From now on we’ll be using the slogan “I’m Likin’ It!”
  • The grease is eating through our wrappers.  I think we need thicker wrappers.
  • Team we need to discuss emergency procedures in case the burgers sold counter should malfunction.
  • Should we add acne treatment to our benefits package?

Have any other ideas? Put em’ in the comments section!

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What do you think about Hillary Clinton and her health care proposal?

“Health care should be for the rich… You didn’t record that did you?”
“Would the NFL let a woman play in the NFL?  Nuff said.”
“I’m all for it, if it will help me get rid of this jaundice, because free positive thoughts aren’t working.”
“I’m already paying child support, and now they want me to pay another tax?  Stop taxing the rich!”

“I have trouble taking orders from a woman in a pants suit.  Seriously, what is this the eighties? Keep it in the closet!”

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Headlines: September 17, 2007

September 17th, 2007

In Memoriam Lacks Big Name Deaths
LOS ANGELES – The 59th Primetime Emmy Awards’ tribute video to those who have passed since the previous year was unemotional and lacked big name stars.  The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences plans to assassinate several big name celebrities in time for next year’s broadcast in an attempt to boost ratings.

O. J. Simpsons Opts Not To Wear Gloves
LAS VEGAS – Retired football great and accepted double murderer, O.J. Simpson, decided to rob a Las Vegas Hotel without wearing gloves, due to the hassle they had caused at his last crime scene.  Instead, Simpson decided to scream, “I want my stuff… You can’t sell my stuff,” while collecting a handful of memorabilia bearing his name and likeness.

Democrats Get Into Union’s Pockets After Dinner
DETROIT – Democrats were elated to get into the pants of Union representatives after taking the Unions out to Olive Garden, and a second run showing of Wild Hogs.  Afterwards, the democrats promised to call the next day.  The Unions have yet to hear from them.

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Using a Door to Pull a Loose Tooth

September 16th, 2007

Yanking a tooth out with a string attached to a doorknob never works when you pull the door towards you. 

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