Characters Final Frame

  • All of the bodies were cleared out last week.
  • Have you ever cultivated a termite farm before?
  • You would share a backyard with the State Penitentiary.
  • I’d recommend some steel bars for those windows.
  • Have you ever seen The Money Pit?

Have any other ideas?  We’d love to hear them.  Just put them in the comments section!

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BOSTON – “The Rocket” Roger Clemens was recently caught taking steroids and HGH at a press conference he arranged.  The press conference was called to deny allegations that he had used performance enhancing drugs while playing Major League Baseball.  Brian McNamee saved the syringe and plans on donating it to the steroids era exhibit at the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.

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HOLLYWOOD – Paid programming was renewed for a staggering 27th season yesterday amidst an ongoing writer’s strike that threatens to disrupt the Oscars this year.  Paid programming has a fresh new line of infomercials including juicers and real estate scams in the works. Orange Glow has been lined up for sweeps week.

Fixing Broken Limbs

January 7th, 2008

Never try to fix a broken limb yourself.  You should leave that to the professionals, or my cousin Larry (he has a library card).

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How to Win a Staring Contest

December 20th, 2007

If you're in a staring contest, slowly remove your pants.  You'll win every time.

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If you end up carrying a dead body around for several days, it will never be as funny as "Weekend at Bernie's," and it will probably lead to an arrest.

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Hide in the Burlap Sack

November 13th, 2007

If someone asks you to play a game of "Hide In the Burlap Sack," don't.

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People with firm handshakes are usually hiding massive insecurities, just like bus drivers!

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Even though movies glorify running while engulfed in flames, you should really stop, drop, and roll.  But try  to drop near a hill so you can roll down it and have a little fun.

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If you ever plan on mailing yourself somewhere, bring a mason jar.

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