Characters Final Frame

Fixing Broken Limbs


January 7th, 2008

Never try to fix a broken limb yourself.  You should leave that to the professionals, or my cousin Larry (he has a library card).

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How to Win a Staring Contest


December 20th, 2007

If you're in a staring contest, slowly remove your pants.  You'll win every time.

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If you end up carrying a dead body around for several days, it will never be as funny as "Weekend at Bernie's," and it will probably lead to an arrest.

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Hide in the Burlap Sack


November 13th, 2007

If someone asks you to play a game of "Hide In the Burlap Sack," don't.

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People with firm handshakes are usually hiding massive insecurities, just like bus drivers!

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Even though movies glorify running while engulfed in flames, you should really stop, drop, and roll.  But try  to drop near a hill so you can roll down it and have a little fun.

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If you ever plan on mailing yourself somewhere, bring a mason jar.

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Using a Door to Pull a Loose Tooth


September 16th, 2007

Yanking a tooth out with a string attached to a doorknob never works when you pull the door towards you. 

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