One of the biggest mistakes rookie salesmen make is failing to ask for the sale. I’m going to go one better, most salesmen refuse to demand the sale.
The problem with asking, you light-loafered hawker, is it gives your prospect a chance to choose between yes and no.
Why would you give them the option to say no?
Closers don’t take no for an answer. Take control. Their kids get to eat if they say no, but yours don’t. Keep that in mind when you’re sucking the country’s welfare system dry. If only you had demanded that sale, you would be livin la vida loca.
Of course when you demand the sale, you better have a threat to back it up. Demanding without a threat is like a van without a bed. It just doesn’t make sense.
You need to have a well-placed threat like, “Remember Carl, I know where you live, 304 West Archer,” or “What’s the most important part of your body Stan? Do you want to keep it?”
It’s a necessity. What do you maniacs do to demand a sale?
Always Be Closing is a collection sales tips from Vince’s personal sales playbook called, “Just Buy It: Or I’ll Stab You.”
As most of you mental midgets know, people buy things based on emotions, not logic. And what’s the number one emotion that leads to a sale?
Fear! You jag bags!
That’s why I scare all potential clients. Keep in mind mongoloids, you haven’t done your job properly unless your prospect needs new pants or cries like a Sallie Mae.
So, Vinnie, how can I scare the man out of my clients? Good question.
Now you’re learning.
Shouting is a must. Leave the jokes, conversation, and relationship building for untalented hacks. Here are some of the supplies I’d recommend:
Duct tape, rope (synthetic or steel), a sharp knife or shiv, a car battery, a gallon of gasoline, a match book, a cinder block, and a small boot pistol.
Hey Vincent! Where am I gonna put all this junk? Good question. It’s simple. The last part of the kit is a body bag. I shouldn’t have to go into a whole mess of detail on properly using these supplies to get a confession/sale.
It’s pretty simple.
If you still don’t understand, stop reading, you’re wasting your time. If you’re having second thoughts about doing this yourself, I don’t have any problem with reinforcements. If you don’t have the stomach for it, outsource it. You can find a slew of reputable hit men available throughout the country.
Is it right to play on a customer’s fear? What about the fear of loss? What about the fear of loss of a finger?
Always Be Closing is a collection sales tips from Vince’s personal sales playbook called, “Just Buy It: Or I’ll Stab You.”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned while dabbling in the mafia, it’s that people will talk when their life is threatened. I’ve been using these nuggets of 12K gold for years while cold calling, and now my loyal subjects, I pass them on to you.
Heavy breathing is a must. I like using a deeper voice and I’ll even periodically laugh.
Threatening your client’s family’s safety also goes a long way and gathering personal information on their loved ones adds credibility to this tactic. However, it will only work if you go the extra mile and put in the legwork and preparation.
Breaking in after hours and setting up some sort of ransom situation also works well. This even gives you a chance to express your inner girl with some arts and crafts.
… Or you can tell your prospect that you’ve got a knife and that you’re not afraid to use it.
Call from inside their place of business, and while you’re talking to them, let them know you’re looking at them.
Finally cut their phone lines and walk into their office with a cinder block and a rope. Works every time.
Do any of you pussbags have any other cold calling tips that work?
Always Be Closing is a collection sales tips from Vince’s personal sales playbook called, “Just Buy It: Or I’ll Stab You.”
I know what you’re thinking you filth maggots. “Hey Vince, every sales loser in my life has told me not to lie!” Welcome to a new era in selling where accountability is thrown out the window, and ethics have disappeared in the Hudson like Freddie ‘Four Fingers’ Spicoli.
I lie to every prospect I meet and my sales have quadruplified. How does this work? I’ll tell you how it works.
I’m free to say whatever pops into my enormous brain and say anything I think the prospect wants to hear. Can our product increase profits? Of course it does. Will our product cure cancer? You bet your life it will!
It’s a simple philosophy that leads to sales.
I don’t know how much easier I can make it for you monosyllabic numbskulls. Let me put it this way, if salesman couldn’t lie, they wouldn’t sell a thing. That’s not a very good salesman is it?
So, fannie pants, you’re feeling a little queasy about lying to humans? Here are a few tips to help you start lying.
- Mumbling isn’t technically lying.
- Put your lies in pamphlets, everyone knows it’s impossible for books to lie.
- Talk in a funny voice.
- Bring a knife to your next sales call and you’ll be able to say whatever you want.
So know that you’ve been enlightened, go forth and sell, sell, sell! Are there any ways that you can lie to close your next deal?
Always Be Closing is a collection sales tips from Vince’s personal sales playbook called, “Just Buy It: Or I’ll Stab You.”
The follow-up. Come on kiddies, who are we kiddin’ here? First of all, let me start by telling you jokesters that there shouldn’t have to be a follow-up in the first place.
If you had bought my package, you’d already know this, numb nuts.
Anyway, for you molten sacks of garbage that can’t close a deal on first contact, the following is for you. Here’s a simple checklist to success:
- Call a prospect four times a day until they give in. If people didn’t like to be randomly called they’d come up with some sort of “No-Call List.” Get on it losers.
- If you’re forced to leave a voicemail, make it memorable. Pretend like you’re burning in a fire when you leave the message. You could also try pretending like you’re foreign, telling a racist joke, or pretending to be a spouse calling about something urgent that may or may not be an emergency.
- Keep going to meet the prospect until your asked to leave the building. Then wait by their car until their shift is over. It’s best to wear something shiny. Also a knife here does wonders to get the job done.
- If all else fails, beg. Cry if you can.
Always Be Closing is a collection sales tips from Vince’s personal sales playbook called, “Just Buy It: Or I’ll Stab You.”
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