Rib Riot

What are your thoughts on William Shatner not reprising his role as Captain Kirk in the upcoming Star Trek film?

"I.. Don't have… An opinion… Get it?  William Shatner.  Geez, that's like my best impression.  Really you didn't get it?  To answer your question… Devastated."

 

"Did William Shatner play sports?  Then this is of no interest to me.  Will there be sports in the movie?  You know what?  I don't even care."

 

"Eh… I've been having trouble sleeping lately, and my friend Spock and I are taking it pretty hard.  No, not that Spock, the homeless guy down on 34th."

 

"I think it sucks.  Apparently, he needs a better agent.  William, I'm available and I know people!  …Can you give him my card?"

 

"If I wanted to watch a flabby old man with terrible acting skills, I'd spend more time with Roger the transvestite." 

Technorati Tags: Humor, Comedy, Public Opinion

What are your thoughts on the current writers' strike?

"I definitely think that they should just get back on the job.  How am I supposed to unwind after a hard days work when there are no new shows?  It's a shame, Desperate Housewives is getting good again."

 

"Sports aren't scripted.  Nuff said.  No, this is not a good time to discuss whether professional wrestling is fake.  It's not."

 

"I don't think these people need to be making more money.  If you can't live off of $300 a month you're doing something wrong.  Maybe they should try wearing paper bag underpants like the rest of us!"

 

"You can't blame a guy for trying to score an extra buck.  That's the way the world turns.  I'm all for it.  By the way, can I borrow a five spot?"

 

"I'm a little disappointed in some of the slogans.  Seriously aren't these people supposed to be writers?  Don't even get me started about some of the ensembles I've seen on the line." 

Technorati Tags: Humor, Comedy, Public Opinion

What are your thoughts on Ellen DeGeneres and her dog fiasco?

"I think that if you take the time to save a dog from certain death, you're allowed to do whatever you want with it."

 

"As long as she didn't give it to Michael Vick, I don't see what the problem is.  Unless you gave it to a pre-dog incident Michael Vick, then you might have a problem on your hands."

 

"I once had a dog.  It got hit by an ambulance.  When I asked the paramedic if Rusty was going to dog heaven he said no."

 

"I don't have time for daytime drama… Did anyone catch The Young and the Restless?  What happened to Victor"

 

"I think it's ridiculous to steal a dog from a hairdresser.  You know she was going to make that puppy look super cute." 

Technorati Tags: Humor, Comedy, Public Opinion

How do you feel about Lee Bollinger inviting Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to speak at Columbia University?

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm sure it was lovely."

 

"Why was an NFL quarterback talking to a Major League prospect in the first place?"

 

"Should we still hide under our desks during nuclear fallout?  If we don't have a desk, will a station wagon work?"

 

"It's like inviting your ex-wives to your fifth wedding.  Not cool."

 

"Well, he was obviously dying his hair, which is ridiculous.  His hair should be sanctioned by the U.N." 

Technorati Tags: Lee Bollinger, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, NFL, United Nations

What do you think about Hillary Clinton and her health care proposal?

“Health care should be for the rich… You didn’t record that did you?”

“Would the NFL let a woman play in the NFL?  Nuff said.”

“I’m all for it, if it will help me get rid of this jaundice, because free positive thoughts aren’t working.”

“I’m already paying child support, and now they want me to pay another tax?  Stop taxing the rich!”

“I have trouble taking orders from a woman in a pants suit.  Seriously, what is this the eighties? Keep it in the closet!”

Technorati Tags: Hillary Clinton, healthcare reform,

How Do You Feel About Britney Spears’ Performance At The MTV Video Music Awards?

“I think it’s a wonderful cause.  This year we donated $35 to fight VMA.”

“I noticed she put on some weight for the fight.”

“I didn’t see it.  The channel knob broke off my television set.  I’ve been watching PBS for twelve years.”

“It was hot.  Smokin’ Joe Frazier Hot!”

“I would have preferred to see her with a big snake again!”

Technorati Tags: Britney Spears, VMAs, MTV, Video Music Awards