Characters Final Frame

US Floods Economy With Monopoly Money To Boost Slumping Dollar.
NEW YORK – The United States Government announced plans to release 6 billion dollars of Monopoly money into circulation.  The move is intended to increase the value of the recently declining dollar.  Rich Uncle Pennybags reportedly sold several hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place in order to free up capital for the release.   After the sale he was hit pretty hard with the luxury tax.  Rich Uncle Pennybags continues to own each of the four major railroads.

Iran Buys Russian Nuke For 100 Easy Payments of $25,000.95
TEHRAN– After an all night bender, that left Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sitting on his couch watching late night infomercials, Ahmadinejad purchased a Russian Nuke from his television. Ahmadinejad, was attracted to the reasonable price, and the money back guarantee.  He also received a free bottle of Orange Cleaner and a Juicer with his purchase.  He was unable to use C.O.D.

Cancer Fires Public Relations Manager

HUMAN BODY – In what many are considering a no-brainer, Cancer has fired it's longtime PR Manager.  The move came after what Cancer described as the "final straw."  The "final straw" was a published report that estimated that Cancer had killed upwards of 7.6 million people in 2007.  The report described the disease as a parasite.  Cancer continues to deny all claims even though he has been presented with several receipts (death certificates).

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