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Headlines: August 2007

August 22nd, 2007

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Tromboner Hits Flutist In Face With Instrument

BOSTON- A local trombone player, Edwin Maxwell, nailed flutist, Natalie Fieldman in the face earlier this month during a rehearsal for an orchestral performance of Flight of the Bumble Bee.  Fieldman was carted of with a bloody nose, and said it felt like getting punched in the face. Maxwell apologized, and is reportedly paying more attention to where he sticks his trombone.

Special Report: Fire Still Hot

SAN FRANCISCO – Yesterday a group of scientists concluded that fire was indeed, still hot.  Professor Altman stated in his conclusion that, "This stuff can seriously mess you up, and all reports of fire cooling off are false."

Grandma Buys Playstation 3; Head Explodes

LINCOLN – Eighty five year old, Agnes Richardson's head exploded earlier this week after purchasing a Playstation 3.  Richardson had no previous experience with video game consoles and as a result, the experience blew her mind… literally.  Her last words were, "Holy Moses!"  

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