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Headlines: December 7, 2007

December 7th, 2007

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DeGeneres Gives Adopted Baby to Postal Worker
HOLLYWOOD – Funny lady, Ellen DeGeneres is on the hot seat again.  Two months ago, DeGeneres adopted a six-year-old boy. However DeGeneres soon discovered that the boy simply didn’t get along with the other pets in the house.  DeGeneres then gave the boy to her local mail carrier.  Authorities are now looking into a contract that DeGeneres signed that prevents her from giving away children as presents.

Is Tom Brady the Greatest Human on Earth?
BOSTON – After leading the New England Patriots to an excellent record, and with the hope of squashing records left and right, a recent poll claims that Tom Brady is now the greatest human on earth, dead or alive.  Brady beat out Mother Teresa, Princess Diana, Sir Isaac Newton, and Leonardo Da Vinci to claim the top spot.

NASA Recalls Spaceship Because of Lead Paint
NASA HEADQUARTERS – NASA has recalled the space shuttle Discovery due to concerns over lead pant.  Apparently sections of the ship were assembled in China, and were laden with the toxic lacquer.  NASA representative, Dirk Simpson stated in a recent press conference, “My bad.”

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