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Headlines: September 17, 2007

September 17th, 2007

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In Memoriam Lacks Big Name Deaths
LOS ANGELES – The 59th Primetime Emmy Awards’ tribute video to those who have passed since the previous year was unemotional and lacked big name stars.  The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences plans to assassinate several big name celebrities in time for next year’s broadcast in an attempt to boost ratings.

O. J. Simpsons Opts Not To Wear Gloves
LAS VEGAS – Retired football great and accepted double murderer, O.J. Simpson, decided to rob a Las Vegas Hotel without wearing gloves, due to the hassle they had caused at his last crime scene.  Instead, Simpson decided to scream, “I want my stuff… You can’t sell my stuff,” while collecting a handful of memorabilia bearing his name and likeness.

Democrats Get Into Union’s Pockets After Dinner
DETROIT – Democrats were elated to get into the pants of Union representatives after taking the Unions out to Olive Garden, and a second run showing of Wild Hogs.  Afterwards, the democrats promised to call the next day.  The Unions have yet to hear from them.

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