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Enough With The Pizza


September 24th, 2005

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Pizza HutHello, and welcome to the very first of many blogs.  Pizza ads are getting pretty extreme lately aren’t they?  Pizza Hut has just released a new fantasy pizza.  Apparently, they have somehow managed to stuff another layer of breadsticks into their pizza.     Bravo,  I say.  Bravo.  Where do they find all that room?

This truly is a momentous occasion, but wait!   It seems that we’ve forgotten about Domino’s Pizza and their crusade to combine two meals into one.  Do you want pizza or steak tonight?  Screw it, put ‘em together.

With competition heating up and new competitors entering the fray daily, such as Little Caesar's and their homeless man bargain five dollar pizza, I have one thing to say.  Unimpressed.  If Pizza Hut could bake a two liter soda into the crust, I would be mildly amused.  If Domino’s could make a whole meal into a small disc that cooks to full size in a mere seconds, I would be overjoyed.

We would finally be catapulted into Robert Zemeckis’ vision of the future.  Surprisingly, ten years ahead of schedule.  Oh, what a wonderful world we would live in, but what would happen if we could eat a whole meal in a single bite?

Unfortunately, this brings up a world-wide debate that rages between Republicans and Democrats alike.  Pill foods.  Although I don’t believe that artists should go out of their way to jam their personal political views down people’s throats, I’m afraid I must clock in on this issue.

I’m against pill foods.  I find that the cramming of an entire meal into a easy to swallow caplet may save time, but ultimately takes away the beauty of  eating a bucket of cold chicken in your underpants while watching Designing Women reruns.  Don’ t act like you haven’t done it.

So, when the next election comes around make your voices heard as we rise up against pill food.  This, of course, should not be confused with the aforementioned Back to the Future pizza, the “Zemeckis Pizza,” which does cook to a full size even though it starts off very small.  It is not pill food, as some Democrats would have you believe.

Pill food is defined as, a small pellet or tablet that consists of the material served and eaten in one sitting.  The “Zemeckis Pizza” is not a pellet or a tablet.  It’s that simple.  I believe that the “Zemeckis Pizza” is the solution to our country’s future eating epidemic, and I hope you agree.

That’s all for now.  Remember, don’t be an idiot when it comes to political issues like this, and find out the facts from both sides.  I encourage you to sample all sorts of pizza.

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One Response to “Enough With The Pizza”

  1. Ryan M. Theodore Logan Ziegler, Esq. Says:

    I, for one, LOVE the new Pizza Hut trend of jamming multiple breadsticks into their crust. I only wish I could find a woman to do the same!

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